Reset- Day One

July 4, 2012. That was day one to the thin me. I didn’t do so good.

Today, I weigh 248 pounds and my BMI is 41. I am obese. I am fat. It’s not going away. I probably have DM, but am afraid to go back to the doctor (everyone in my family has now been diagnosed. EVERYONE).

Today I joined Weight Watchas. My goal is 34 points a day with a first goal weight of 235 (13 pounds). I’ve used all my points plus 31 more and I’ve only finished lunch. Blech. I feel yucky. And mad. And guilty. And gross.
I am resetting. Today is my new day one. I’m going to an island paradise on April 12- 54 days from now. If I can lose 1 pound a week til then that’s 54% of goal one. Seems easy when you look at the numbers. I know it is hard. I’ve battled my weight since my early twenties. Thanks familial genes.

I was thinking about immobility today. And how I have not been normally mobile since 2007 when I injured my right knee. My timeline to becoming a chair potato:
2007 right knee meniscus tear
2008 right knee repair
2008-2010 bilateral knee injections for osteoarthritis, bone on bone

June 2010 bilateral knee replacements
March 2012 left foot injury; for a Year I was told acute plantar fasciitis treated with cortisone injections. Guess what?
March 2013 diagnosed left peroneal tendon tear; surgery required, but I just started a new job; continue cortisone injections
May 2013, while seated in a chair, developed acute back pain. Wonderful, I have two herniated discs and 2 bulging discs. Walking with a cane until July. Cortisone injection. Thank you osteo, you have struck again. I now also have residual left calf numbness.
December 2013 tendon repaired; 30 days in a cast, 30 days in a boot, and now healing, could be 6-8 months before I have no pain.

For close to SEVEN YEARS I have been in lower extremity pain. I have become more and more sedentary. I feel my joints freezing up. I can barely move or walk when I get out of bed. Sometimes I lay in the floor to stretch my back, but I’m a whale getting up. I can’t kneel. How does a fat person get off the floor when you can’t use your knees? It’s so embarrassing and mentally debilitating. It’s easier to give up.

I looked into gastric surgery, but it’s not covered under my current plan.

Those are my woes. They’re real. And they’ve gotten into my head.

But today is day one.